He says he loves me, yet I come in second to everybody else. I come in second to his cousins, to Robert and even to Jennifer. Hell I even come second to weed and pool. He forgets to call me. In order for us to talk, nine times out of ten, i have to call him. then when we are on the phone, everything else seems more interesting to him: from the game he's playing or the movie he's watching, to the conversation he's having with his brothers. Half of the time, I'm stuck listening to his other conversations or to the television. If he's high, my concerns are mediocre to him because thinking about them "blows his high" or "we might get in a fight." He barely wants me around when he's playing pool because I will "probably throw him off his game." I'm too much of a distraction. If I tell him I need something or want something, if he cant get it, he fusses that I am "pressuring him." He constantly asks me "What do you want me to do about it?" I'm tired of hearing that. He doesn't like to cater to me. My mother wants him to open the car door for me, yet apparently that's too much work because "other people don't do that nowadays." Apparently I'm too demanding and too old school (just like my mama.) I guess sex is supposed to fix everything... even my heartaches. I'm not his priority anymore. He says he's always thinking about me, yet he's always forgetting about me. He makes me wonder how much I will be remembered when his son get's here.

He says he loves me. I want to believe him. But how can I when he puts me second to everything and everyone else.





Can you tell I'm depressed... I'm so depressed my drawings are messing up. I can't even draw a decent smiley face right now. GAH!!!!